SMS and Jokes

Marriage jokes (SMS)

Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence....(a life sentence!).

A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels. Her explanation - "If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels."

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage licence? Wife to Husband: I'm looking for a loophole

The Minister noticed the bride was in distress so asked what was wrong. She replied that she was awfully nervous and afraid she would not remember what to do. The Minister told her that she only needed to remember 3 things. First the aisle, cos that is what you'll be walking down. Secondly, the alter because that is where you will arrive. Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service. While the bride was walking in step with the wedding march, family and friends of the groom were horrified to hear her repeating these 3 words ...Aisle, alter hymn (I'll alter him)

A little kid asks his Dad, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" "No idea," replied the Father, "I'm still paying for it..."

I've got a good friend who married a Doctor. One day he told her: "You need to do something to spice up our love-making". Soon thereafter, he came home and found her in bed with another man who is also an M.D. "Why?" asked her husband. "You said I needed to do something to spice up our love-making; I just wanted to get a Second Opinion", she replied...

One day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Marriage - an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

Behind every great man there is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a relative. - Unknown

Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women. - Marion Smith

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him - Oscar Wilde

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. - Joey Adams

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood

The most dangerous food a man can eat is wedding cake - Unknown.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx

A man's wife has more power over him than the state has. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. - Mae West

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. - Max Kauffmann

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. - Dorothy Parker

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. - Benjamin Franklin

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. - Henry Youngman

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

I like to wake up each morning feeling a new man. - Jean Harlow

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