SMS and Jokes

Xmas (Jokes)

Why Is A Christmas Tree Better Than A Man 1. A Christmas tree is always erect. 2. Even small ones give satisfaction. 3. A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights. 4. A Christmas tree always looks good - even with the lights on. 5. A Christmas tree is always happy with its size. 6. A Christmas tree has cute balls. 7. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls. 8. You can throw a Christmas tree out when it's past its "sell by" date. 9. You don't have to put up with a Christmas tree all year. Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman 1. A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past. 2. Christmas trees don't get mad if you use exotic electrical devices. 3. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have an artificial one in the closet. 4. You can feel a Christmas tree before you take it home. 5. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you look up underneath it. 6. When you are done with a Christmas tree, you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away. 7. A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other Christmas trees. 8. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch football all day. 9. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.

Holiday Greetings to Everyone, Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the (summer or winter depending upon which hemisphere you are in) solstice holiday, practised with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that Great Britain is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee. By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her / himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher. Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons might have been slightly inconvenienced.

Wishing you all the compliments of the season. Ebenezer Scrooge

12 DAYS OF YAHOO ... For the first pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me A post from a week ago. For the second pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 2 web crashes And a post from a Week ago. For the third pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 3 error messages 2 web crashes And A post from a week ago. For the forth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 4 jerks at Tech Help 3 error Messages 2 web crashes And a post from a week ago. For the fifth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 5 frozen PM's 4 jerks at Tech Help 3 Error messages 2 web crashes And a post from a week ago. For the sixth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 6 disconnection's 5 frozen PM's 4 Jerks at Tech Help 3 error messages 2 web crashes And a post from a week ago. For the seventh pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 7 hours with no mail 6 Disconnection's 5 frozen PM's 4 jerks at Tech Help 3 error messages 2 Web crashes And a post from a week ago. For the eighth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 8 channels not working 7 hours With no mail 6 disconnections 5 frozen PM's 4 jerks at Tech Help 3 Error messages 2 web crashes And a post from a week ago. For the ninth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 9 Dumb advertisements 8 channels Not working 7 hours with no mail 6 disconnections 5 frozen PM's 4 Jerks at Tech Help 3 error messages 2 web crashes And a post from a Week ago. For The tenth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 10 propositions 9 Dumb Advertisements 8 channels not working 7 hours with no mail 6 Disconnection's 5 frozen PM's 4 jerks at Tech Help 3 error messages 2 Web crashes And a post from a week ago For the eleventh pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 11 pieces of Spam 10 Propositions 9 Dumb advertisements 8 channels not working 7 hours With no mail 6 Disconnection's 5 frozen PM's 4 jerks at Tech Help 3 error messages 2 web crashes And a post from a week ago. For the twelfth pain of Christmas Yahoo gave to me 12 reasons to unsubscribe.

me for participating in their special email program. Yes, I want to thank you all so much for looking out for me, that I will now return the favour! If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 2 fucking minutes, a very large pigeon with a chronic case of diahorrea will fly, nay hover, above your gullible head at 4:00PM tomorrow afternoon and bury you in a large mound of avian shite.... I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's hairdresser. Oh. And a Merry Christmas!

There was a woman out Christmas shopping with her two children. After many hours of looking at row after row of toys and everything else imaginable and hearing both her children asking for everything they saw on those many shelves, this woman finally made it to the elevator with her two kids. She was feeling what so many of us feel during the holiday season time of the year: Overwhelming pressure to go to every party, every housewarming, taste all the holiday food and treats, get that perfect gift for every single person on our shopping list, make sure we don't forget anyone on our card list, and the pressure of making sure we respond to everyone who sends us a card. Finally the elevator doors opened--there was already a crowd in the car. This woman pushed her way into the car and dragged her two kids in with her along with all her bags of stuff. When the doors closed, she couldn't take it anymore and said out loud, "Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be arrested and strung up!" From the back of the elevator, a quiet calm voice responded, "Don't worry ma'am, I believe they crucified Him."

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Jokes