SMS and Jokes

Quick Jokes (Jokes)

Q: How do you turn a fox into an elephant? A: Marry it!

Q: What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A: A battery has a positive side!

Q: What are the three fastest means of communication? A: 1) Internet 2) Telephone 3) Telawoman

Q: Why do hunters make the best lovers? A: Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot!

Q: How are fat girls and mopeds alike? A: They're both fun to ride until your friends find out!

Q: How is a woman like a condom? A: Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your willy!

Q: What should you give a woman who has everything? A: A man to show her how to work it!

Q: How are twisters (tornadoes) and marriage alike? A: They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end, you lose your house!

Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle? A: She knows she's given her last blow job!

Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you!

Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job? A: After 10 years the job still sucks!

Q: What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off? A: Spitting, swallowing, and gargling!

Q: Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? A: When you take it off you wonder where her tits went!

Q: How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? A: Put a nipple on it!

Q: Why did the woman cross the road? A: What's she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?!

Q: Why are there no female astronauts on the moon? A: Because it doesn't need cleaning yet!

Q: Why is the space between a women's breasts and her hips called a waist? A: Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there!

Q: How is the card game Bridge and sex alike? A: If you don't have a good partner you better have a good hand!

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs? A: Ground beef!

What's got two legs and bleeds? Half a dog.

What's the last thing to go through a bugs mind when it hits thewindscreen ? It's arse.

How do you define marriage ? A very expensive way to get the laundry done.

Why do policeman have bigger balls than firemen ? They sell more tickets.

How do you make a bunch of old ladies shout "fuck" ? Shout "BINGO"

Why does a prostitute earn more money than a drug dealer ? 'Cos she can wash her crack and sell it again

How can you turn a duck into a soul singer ? Put it in the microwave till its bill withers.

How do you reunite The Beatles ? Three more bullets.

What's the difference between Hitler and Alex Ferguson ? Both wasted millions but Hitler got further into Europe.

What's invisible and smells of dog food ? A pensioners fart.

What do you get if you cross a Pit Bull Terrier with Lassie ? A dog that will rip off both your arms then run for help.

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Jokes