SMS and Jokes

Men and Women Bashing (Jokes)

What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.

What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them.

Why are men like blenders? You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Why do men like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children.

How many men does it take to screw a light bulb? A. One - men will screw anything. B. One - men will screw up anything. C. Five - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it.

What is a man's idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging.

What's the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature.

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.

What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? The porcupine has pricks on the outside.

How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.

What is a man's view of safe sex? A padded headboard.

Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence.

How does a man show he's planning for the Future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How was Colonel Sanders a typical male? All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.

Two aliens were discussing earth beings. "So what do you think of them?" said the first. "Well," the other replied, "I liked the intelligent ones, but I wasn't so keen on the ones with testicles."

Okay, okay! I take it back. Un-fuck you.

You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.

Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.

Well, aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?

Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.

Do I look like a people person?

This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.

I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?

I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

Do they ever shut up on your planet?

I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

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